a saturday

Written by i j

Saturday, 10 April 2010 11:45

People say that we are weird people, I never minded of people calling me “weird”, in deed I think that in some way I like it, What I don’t like is when people call you “whatever” without having any idea of what are they talking about, so in an effort for those ignorant being able to understand me (and maybe other Goths that identify themselves with what I’m going to write) I decided to write a article of what I did this morning:

A Saturday.

Today was one of those days, one of those days in which you want to reconcile with yourself, think about your life, and answer to important questions like “who you are”, “where I am” and “where I want to go”.

Sounds philosophical, and in deed it is, but I think those are important thoughts that everyone should have for being happy in their life (Yeah, even if you don’t believe me non-goth reader, I want to be happy).

So I grabbed my bicycle for going to that special place in which nothing can disturb you and everything is perfect, Everybody should have a place like that, a place to evade yourself and just think.

Suppose it’s not usual to see me in a bicycle, in other places of Europe would be normal to see someone like me in one, but not here, I don’t care about it anyway.

Against the opinion of people who saw me going there, my special place isn’t a cemetery or a slaughterhouse, nor even a dark forest, in deed its some rocky place near the sea in which (oh, surprise) you can see the sun.

I haven’t seen anyone here ever, some thousand years ago a part of the cliff felt and formed some short of beach of rough and uncomfortable rocks, I suppose that makes this place so solitary, I also suppose that some day the rest of the cliff will fall, but it doesn’t look like that day is today, nor it seems that I’m going to stay alive when that happens to see it.

It’s a nice reminder of that everybody has to die, sooner or later. It doesn’t matter how fast you run or how strong you are, someday death will catch you and you won’t be able to win that battle.

I sit with my legs crossed on some still wet and cold rocks, in the place most comfortable that I could find, in deed if you look for them there are some places suitable for this, I remove my t-shirt, rest my hands on my knees and close my eyes.

This is the first time this year that my body sees the sun, I’m not scared of being burned, at this time in the morning it’s impossible.

I start to relax, for doing that I “sense” all my senses one by one, I can notice the smell if the sea, it’s nice but I go fast to other senses, this one is not my favorite.

I focus in the waves sounds, any wave biggest than the previous seems close enough to soak me, I know that’s not the case because I left plenty of room between me and the sea but I have to resist the urge of opening my eyes to see how “close” is the water.

It makes you think, even simplest things scare or alert you when you don’t have a visual of what’s going on, I can’t avoid to have a thought for the blind people of the world.

A gust of wind get’s me out of my thoughts and makes me land into tact, without doubt it’s my favorite sense here, from the right I get the heat of the sun, from the left I get the cold of the marine breeze, sometimes it even brings some small drops torn from the sea, the contrast causes me to have some chills from time to time.

A last thought invades me: the fire of the sun, the water of the sea, the stone as supporting me, and the sea breeze… suppose that for some religions this might be a special place for having the for elements in same place, I don’t care about their reasons but I’m sure this place is special for me.

I’m finally “there”, it’s not that much the physical place but the state I’m in, finally I have found myself, I’m able to ignore everything and focus on myself.

…

I’m not sure how much time has elapsed, I don’t have a watch either for checking, ¿did I got asleep? Don’t think so, I’m able to remind my thoughts and I don’t think I’m able to sleep sited without falling. Now everything has sense, I understand myself better, I understand better my surroundings and I know what I want to do in the future and how to rule my life for being happy.

That’s not the only question I’m able to answer here, but was the one I wanted to answer today.

I’m not still ready to open my eyes, there is something I have to do yet, the last sense… I move my tongue over my lips and smile. Some time must have elapsed when some salt has dropped over my lips, I like salt and it also brings some thoughts to me, the salt is a mineral, dissolved by the strength of the water, then transported to me by the wind action and finally dried by the heat of the sun, it al makes sense and everything is needed.

I take a deep breath and open my eyes, I see everything in a blue tone, I know its because my eyes needs a minute or two to get used to the sun light but I see this fact as a beautiful metaphor of how I changed the way I see life, my life.

It’s time to go back home.