nothingness

Written by i j

Monday, 21 March 2011 16:42

There have been very few times in which I came offering you a reading written by me but this is one of those days… I started to write and soon the following text started to take form, it doesn’t pretend to be poetry nor a short tale it’s just a text that I wrote in my Spanish website and I wanted to translate it so you could read and enjoy it too…

Nothingness

Dark room

The sun came in across a small breach in the wall…

A small breach that prevents this place that I call home to keep safe the secrets it holds, not much in deed: only me, dust and humidity. And even then is more than what my soul is ever going to need.

There isn’t anything better outside, I know that the sun is waiting for me with its daily sunlight ration, a feeling that comforts and revitalize other mortals, but it does nothing for heating the coolness that roots in the deepness of my being.

I came out to that jungle that they dare to call “civilization”, surrounded by disapproval looks I walk the distance between my resting place and some other place.

While I walk there is nothing to see and I know that when I get there, there will be nothing left for me, they say that we always need some kind of motivation for acting, I’m wondering what’s “that” that keep me moving… But although I keep looking for an answer… I’m unable to find it.

Could that be the reason why night after night I sleep in my own coffin? Could that be the reason of me believing that death is nothing to fear?

My steeps brought me to this place, I know this place, only a cold metal door that is used to separate, maybe contain, maybe hide other people that, like me, only looks for a place to be. We are not that few as the people outside pretends us to be.

You can breath here, is not the smoke, is not the cold that pretends to freeze you, nor the music or the alcohol, it’s only… in deed I have no idea what it is, this is a basement, that it’s what this is.

It’s still too soon, but this basement will be soon inhabited by dark beings rejected just for their singularity, each of them unique in their beings, yeah all of them grey souls, but even if you can’t believe it, easily differentiable.

It’s here where each night the ritual starts, it’s concept it’s quite similar to those that you could find outside this walls but it’s more pure, more authentic, more felt and less artificial.

And it was here where we first meet, there wasn’t a great conversation, in deed there wasn’t much to say… What would we had to talk about?

Pain?Love?Sex?Hate?Death?

None of them make any sense when we met into a single being, as your touch is enough to calm my inner storms, it completely blinds my senses and convince me that there isn’t anything to fear, at your side I feel nothing, even the wholeness of the universe you made disappear.

If there isn’t life beyond death, if there isn’t more than nothing at the other side, then this is what we must find when crossing the threshold and I shall thankfully embrace it as it would be as being with you all the eternity.

--Cerbero--